Filed by Bil at 11:21 am under General

Someone I know had a baby today. I don’t know all the details yet — I’m stuck at work. She’s not immediate family, or even a blood relative. She’s an in-law. And she’s fine without my help, so I really have no grounds for the old “family emergency” excuse to get out of the office.

So I’m biding my time here in the Loop. Immediately after work, I need to go to Wicker Park because a play depends on my ability to provide green tea that looks like tequila. Wicker Park is in the wrong direction from the hospital.

So I don’t know when I’ll finally get to meet this kid. I’m pretty far down the ladder of who needs to see this child immediately. Devon’s family are a whirlwind of energy, and they’ll get to her today. My in-laws’ parents — both sets — of course will need to see the kid, and they’re from out of town. I imagine she will be completely surrounded by closer, more related loved ones than me, so I probably don’t need to add myself to the menagerie of germ-infested bodies she and the baby are about to encounter.

I’m very curious how this baby’s life will turn out. Born little bit early — will everyone assume he is a punctual person? How will being surrounded by people who assume he is punctual actually affect him? Will it make him more or less punctual? And how will everyone respond to his name? I personally don’t know what his name is yet, but if it’s more than four syllables from start to finish I plan to respond by giving him a dickie every year for Christmas.

Will he like fireworks?…’Cause we can get him some fireworks. He’s not my kid, so I can be as irresponsible as I like (within reason). Actually, by the time he’s old enough to really enjoy fireworks, they probably won’t be living in Chicago. Will he still be a Cubs fan?

Hopefully, when I do finally meet him, “Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard” will be playing overhead.