Filed by Bil at 3:38 pm under Fightin' Words, Pop Culture

This is Diddy’s recent video blog. It’s kind of awesome. It’s basically a shameless plea to let him play James Bond, cleverly disguised as a shameless promotion for his new smell-water line. You don’t actually have to watch it. All you need to know is that he struts around in high-priced clothing (a suit, a tuxedo, a velvet-robe/giant-gold-cross-on-a-chain ensemble, etc.) while highly-paid models pretend to be interested in him.

Diddy brings up a point to help support his claim that he is “best suited” to play Bond next: we have a black president, why not a black James Bond?

There’s no question we live in an advanced civilization. Barack Obama is indeed black. There’s no particular reason, I don’t think, why James Bond could not be played by a black actor when Daniel Craig is done with it.

The two main problems with his argument are these: firstly, and most obviously, there are tons of African American actors who would be “better suited” to play the role. Blair Underwood, just off the top of my head. Perhaps Taye Diggs. Perhaps Don Cheadle. The list goes on. Why are they better suited? They are better actors, that’s why. Also, they have class that Diddy just doesn’t have.

Secondly, and more importantly: while there is no good reason James Bond can’t be black, there is every reason James Bond can’t be American. James Bond is British. It’s very important that this character is British. That’s the entire appeal. He’s a smooth-talking, world-savvy Brit who can sleep with a beautiful spy, get information from her without breaking a sweat, kick the ass off a large and intimidating villain, and then sleep with another beautiful spy…all while speaking with a slick European accent. Sorry, Diddy, your diction is crap.

So the United States can have a black president, and the United Kingdom can have a black James Bond, but I for one am not ready for an American 007. Taking James Bond and making him American would be like taking Bruce Wayne and making him become Captain Planet instead of Batman. And that would just be sad.

Sad like Diddy’s cologne commercial.