John McCain has a MySpace page, further proving my theory that if you’re not on MySpace, then you don’t actually exist. And the people who support McCain (on MySpace, mind you, not as a whole) seem — and please forgive me — fucking stupid. For example, one of his “friends” writes:

I definately agree that setting a date for withdrawal would be a devasting mistake for sure. I have my husband in Afghanistan and I don’t like the fact that he and other troops are over there, but this is something that needs to be finished. If we pulled out without finishing the job, they will come over here and destroy this country. They proved it before on 9/11 and they will do more damage if they are not stopped. And besides, I feel that the one that will stop this and says when it is finished is God Almighty Himself. I am not pushing religion on anyone, but it’s time that someone says it. Only God will say if and when it is over!!!! Not the politicians!!!! I did sign the petition and hopefully others will too. I will email this to others in AZ to sign if they agree with us all. We will win this fight and Sen. McCain has my vote in 2008 for US President!!!!!!!! Thank you Sen. McCain for your dedication and your service years ago.

Now look, it’s not that I think anyone is stupid for being religious, but — with rolling eyes, all together now — COME ON. Only God will say if and when it is over!!!! As though God started the war, and not the Bush administration.

Let us for the moment ignore the bad grammar and the hazy but firm connection in her mind between Iraq and 9/11, and focus instead on the religion part. I’ve never been a theologian, nor even a studious church-goer. It’s been literally years since I went to any sort of church service of my own autonomous will (excluding the few times I have gone for the sake of appeasing friends and/or family). I never took any psychology classes in college. I cannot say for sure what this woman is really thinking. Obviously I have no idea how she really feels about her husband being so far away and so blatantly in harm’s way. I don’t know if she was drunk or sober when she typed that. But somehow I have convinced myself that I know this about her: whether she is conscious of it or not, her religion is more than anything a tool for rationalization for all the things in her life that she doesn’t like or understand. Normally I don’t judge people negatively just for being religious, but in this context of making a change vs. burying your head in the sand (where in this case the sand is a metaphor for her religion), especially given that we’re talking about a war about which I have particularly strong feelings, she strikes me as a dumb and lazy Christian.

And besides, I feel that the one that will stop this and says when it is finished is God Almighty Himself. Like God’s gonna step down from Heaven, wave his hand over the Middle East, and speak with a voice like Sean Connery, saying, “All right, everyone, I suppose you can stop killing each other now.” Like everybody on all sides is doing their best to bring peace, really trying not to fight, but every time someone puts down a gun, God smites them. Right? Right. So, like, if this woman’s husband gets killed in Afghanistan, that’s God’s will. Nothing could be done. If 3,000 civilians die because of terrorists acting in the name of Allah, that’s just terrorists, and we can do something about that. If U.S. soldiers torture prisoners of war, that’s God’s will. If suicide bombers attack without warning, that’s just terrorists. If U.S. soldiers kill women and children because they are panicking, that’s God’s will. If U.S. soldiers are killed in random gunfire, that’s just terrorists. If our president starts a war based on one premise and stays in it for totally different reasons (the first premise, of course, being shown to be fictitious), then that’s God’s will.

That’s easy, right? Leisurely, even. What can be solved will be solved by God and what we don’t like is God’s will. And when crazy extremists kill innocent people, that’s just terrorists. And it is God’s will that our army punish terrorists…which is exactly what the army is doing in the Middle East — punishing terrorists, nothing more. Just punishing terrorists. (Oh, and bringing freedom and bliss to the people of Iraq, can’t forget about that.) Because God hates terrorists, and if we don’t wipe them out, then terrorists will destroy our God-blessed country. If God takes away your husband, don’t worry — that void in your life will be filled by God. Very, very, very, very easy. So easy.

But God didn’t start this war, and God is not the one killing the people. If we sit in the back seat with madmen at the wheel, put our hands behind our necks, and wait for God to stop the bloodshed, then THAT will be what destroys the country, not the terrorists.

Anyway…I’m getting off topic. My head hurts from all this eye-rolling and forehead-slapping I have been doing. John McCain’s “straight talk” is making me do it. If you want good laugh, go to John McCain’s MySpace page. But have a shot of tequila first, and make sure you don’t care about the state of the world.

It does really bug me that McCain stoops to get votes. Of course, that’s how you win elections, but I used to be fine with John McCain — for a long time, he was my favorite Republican senator. But now he’s just an asshole, and for that I blame the assholes whose votes he is courting.

By the way, let me just put this out there — the country is in a state of rapid change right now, rapid I tell you. As far as a leader goes, I really think that what we need is not so much a matter of conservative vs. liberal, but a matter of who can help balance the affairs of the nation as a whole with the most grace and the least violence. In other words, who will guide our country to its next phase of history the smoothest? Because rest assured — we will get out of Iraq, we will have a health care system that works, gay people will have the right to marry, and rich people will have their tax breaks revoked. All of this can come with our next president, or it can be fought off for another century. John McCain sounds like he wants the votes of people who would fight it.

Filed by Bil at 9:54 pm under Religion, GOP, Damn Hippies, Politics, Fightin' Words