As a single man who’s interested in finding a partner, I’d long been intrigued by the upbeat eHarmony commercials featuring a plethora of smiling, racially diverse couples who had found their spouses using the service. My curiosity hit a fever pitch when my friend Byron indicated that he was using it and having some luck, so I logged on and tried it out.

How do I put into words what I discovered next? Let’s just say the conspicuous lack of same-sex couples in the advertisements should have tipped me off to the fact that my kind isn’t welcome on the site. Silly me.

I should have known it was too good to be true, but I certainly had no way of knowing that Neil Clark Warren, the founder of eHarmony, was an evangelical Christian with strong ties to James Dobson and Focus on the Family, who had even championed the site for years before Dr. Warren decided to move in a different direction. Here’s my thing: go ahead and discriminate against same-sex relationships, but at least be upfront about exactly what you’re doing and why. As opposed to the following:

Quoted from Wikipedia:
Dr. Warren claims that eHarmony lacks enough data to successfully match gay and lesbian couples; however, critics counter that such a statement implies that, aside from a desire for a same-sex partner, gay and lesbian people are somehow psychologically different from heterosexual people. To date, eHarmony has failed to elaborate on the nature of these alleged psychological differences, or whether or not they are attempting to collect additional data on these differences. Dr. Warren also states that because same-sex marriage is illegal in most states, eHarmony “doesn’t really want to participate in something that’s illegal.” (emphasis mine)

Of course, he fails to elaborate on why eHarmony Canada refuses to match same-sex couples despite the fact that gay marriage has been legal in that country since the passage of the Civil Marriage Act on July 20th, 2005. And I’m fairly sure he never will.

All snarky comments aside, this truly is something that has bothered me. Not because I want so desperately to submit dozens of personality tests on the evangelical answer to Match.com, but because perpetuating the stereotype that the queer community are incapable of lasting, committed relationships — yet another snipe from the evangelical Christian community — only serves to reinforce existing biases instead of challenging them. Of course, this is all coming from the same group of people that brought us Ted Haggard, so I suppose I can’t be too broken up about it.

I’d only ever mentioned this in conversation until tonight, when I caught Chemistry.com’s brilliant ad campaign. I saw two of the commercials, and the second one featured a dude looking at a Playboy, then facing the camera, saying “Nope, still gay,” as a big “Rejected” sign flashed onto the screen. Granted, this was on Bravo, the network that aired the queer versions of those game show-style Orbitz commercials, so I’m wondering how widespread that particular ad will be. But it’s a start.

And the tagline? “Come As You Are.” Sound familiar, Christians? Oh, and if you Google that phrase, the first hit is a sex shop in Canada. You have no idea how much joy that brings to my heart.

Filed by Trevor at 2:03 am under Social Issues, Fightin' Words, Homophobia